Is White What's Right

After a long two weeks at IST training, we are officially off lockdown, allowed to travel and off I went to Pretoria. It was the 4th of July weekend and the US Ambassador invited Peace Corps Volunteers to his celebration at his fortress. Arriving in Pretoria felt like landing in Brussels. It's very European and feels nothing like what I've come to know in South Africa. Busy roads and fancy buildings. Business attire and McDonalds. Irish Pubs, music, malls and movie theater's are in the palm of your hands.

A group of us went to the celebration and it was truly mixing both worlds. Black and White. His home is a fortress and he had guards, more food than you can imagine, face painting, a band playing etc etc. It was held next to his home at the American Community Center. There were many people there and after being around South Africans, it felt strange again to interact with Americans, who don't tend to mill around and socialize with those you don't know. Most stayed in their cocoon, speaking only with those they deem familiar and sipping wine and gin and tonic. I definitely enjoyed myself, reverting back to a ten year old. I had my face painted, ate hotdogs and hamburgers, swung on swings and jumped around in one of those bouncing castle things (see uploaded photo's). Seems that peace corp tends to do that. But it makes things fun.

While I"m standing around, mingling, I just couldn't help but notice the distinct line that's become my life. While I am eating a feast, someone else is fetching water. While I am surrounded by million dollar homes in the hills, laying on manicured lawn, someone else is walking 5 miles with firewood on their head. While I chat with women and comment on how adorable their purse is, or how cool their gucci sunglasses are, I realize someone else not more than 10 k away is starving in an impoverished village. I'm dripping ketchup down my face, meanwhile, others are fighting for space on a packed kumbi to get home before dark. And how do you fit into a life like that. I suppose I can choose, or I can mix between. It's a difficult place to stand.

The evening before the 4th, some friends and I went out into Hatfield Square. It was a blast. It was markets and a big square with pubs, music, dancing...what once seemed to be my normal Friday night scene. As the night wore on, I noticed the entire bar is Afrikaner. All the bartenders are white, while cleaning staff are black. All the restaurant servers are white, while those cleaning up garbage and cigarette butts are black. And on the dance floor, while dancing with black South Africans, the white S Africans who'd been dancing silently next to me all night long, proceeded to give glares towards me and my friends. What felt like a normal night no longer felt "normal." These white guys start grabbing at me, trying to pull me away, as though some black guy got in their way. All I could think was South Africa has such a long way to go. I realize jobs and wealth distribution is slowly changing, but it's a slow change. And when these Afrikaners were grabbing, glaring and trying to take us from the black S'A's, I realized that it's a challenge to curb my resentment towards the White South Africans. Why should I be served first, when a black person was in line before me? Why should I be greeted with a smile, and a black person is ignored? Why are only black people in the streets picking up trash? Where does one world start and the other end? And why is it that being white somehow grants power, control and ultimately freedom? Is it fair to mistreat others because they are white. I think it's fair to say most would not stand for it. Yet in a country where the majority continues to suffer and fight poverty and illiteracy, the minority continues to oppress those around them. The difference is that now instead of being direct, it comes out on a dance floor or while standing in line at the grocery store. And for the first time in my life, I notice these things. I notice being white, even in a white city, in a white bar and in a white lifestyle, while living in a black dominated country. And I feel more out of place among those of my own color, than others here. And while I can't change my color or how I was raised, I think this is a world where I will always struggle to fit into both. In my mind, being white makes me no better no worse. It just makes me work harder to find the mold which I can use to hold a very thin line together.